I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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