I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
