Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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