We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
