So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
