She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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