ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
