Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
where are you?
Hypothermia
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
