It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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