eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
