I got chris browned last night
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Randomize
