The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
