did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
