What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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