He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
