May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
