A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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