wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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