C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
