I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I don't deserve a penis
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
