my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
