I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
