At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
