How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
