He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
