He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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