Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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