that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
