He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
