they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
