i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
