He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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