Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Please don't give away my fajitas
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