Cold hands, warm shart.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
