Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
