Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
