he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
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