My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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