He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
