ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
