headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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