trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
