areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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