FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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