My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
