OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
