two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
