I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
