I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
