from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
