Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
