I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
