i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
