dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
