Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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