Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
