I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
