I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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